Persuasive essay thesis statement..told its too factual?

we have to write a persuasive essay and my group decided on saving for retirement. The thesis statement was, "devising a savings plan today will assure your retirement success for the future" the teach said it was too factual and needed to sound more like an opinion that could be argued. how in the world would i word that? everything i come up with sounds the a fact

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4 Answers to “Persuasive essay thesis statement..told its too factual?”

  1. ligating says:

    I have to agree with your teacher… Who would disagree with those statements? Nobody. It’s pretty much a fact that starting a savings plan will help you in retirement. The thesis needs to be controversial, provocative, or at the very least, something that can be, if you had stated that a savings plan is unnecessary for retirement (and could prove it) that would be a great thesis.another tip for writing a better thesis is to be more specific:Uniforms serve many functions in both society and in schools. (terrible thesis–this is a fact, not an argument)Uniforms are unnecessary and bad, and should not be a requirement for students. (good thesis–has a clear point of view, is arguable–not everyone would agree)Uniforms deteriorate the very fabric of academic learning by negating and undoing the cornerstones of education: imagination and independent thought. (a better thesis–more strongly worded and specific)I can’t really see a way to make saving for retirement debatable (unless, as I said above, you argue it’s unnecessary, or something similar)… maybe your group can change topics?

  2. nervion says:

    I was an English teacher for a long time, and I have no problem with your thesis. That being said, your teacher does, and he’s the one you have to please.How about: Not planning for retirement will lead to problems that older people should not have to encounter.or, Too many people neglect planning for retirement.or, People in their twenties wrongly think that retirement is so far away they need not make plans for it.If you don’t use any of this, I hope I’ve given your imaginations a boost.Good luck.

  3. gully's says:

    TOo factual, he/she’s insane, your thesis statement CAN be argued.

  4. arnland says:

    How about something a little more specific about saving for retirement…A Roth IRA (or other retirement saving method inserted here) is the best way to save for retirement because etc…In a way I see your teacher’s point. Everyone would say that you should save for retirement. Not everyone would agree on how.