I need help revising. And any other sugggestions you may have to improve this paragraph?





I'm writing an essay on the Odyssey. I just completed the introductory paragraph, but I'm not sure if it is true to my ideas:Main idea one: How Odysseus is affected by the Gods.Main Idea two: Why Odysseus doesn't listen to them.Main Idea three: What Odysseus realizes by the end of his journey.Thesis statement/ paper topic: In the Odyssey, Odysseus finally understands his role as a mortal man in comparison to the Gods, allowing himself to achieve his true happiness. Here is the paragraph: Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way we plan it. Odysseus, a true hero that embarks on a 20 year journey from the Trojan War to his homeland, probably knows that better than anyone. However, what Odysseus learns on his journey is well worth the wait. "Of all that breathes and crawls across the earth, our mother earth breeds nothing feebler than a man. So long as the gods grant him power, spring in his knees, he thinks he will never suffer affliction down the years. But then, when the happy gods bring on the long hard times, bear them he must, against his will, and steel his heart. Our lives, our mood and mind as we pass across the earth, turn as the days turn . . ." (Book 18). This quote merely summarizes what kind of knowledge Odysseus is able to obtain during his transformation. However, what Odysseus doesn’t realize until he has returned home, is how big of a role that the Gods played in his survival. In the Odyssey, Odysseus finally understands his role as a mortal man in comparison to the Gods, allowing himself to achieve his true happiness. Gods such as Athena and Poseidon, both good and bad, help Odysseus to learn valuable life lessons and to accept himself for who he is. But it takes more than a hint, or even a push in the right direction for Odysseus to realize what the Gods are trying to tell him. Only when Odysseus succeeds in realizing how much his arrogance has held him back, is able to attain true happiness, and return home to his family.



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One Answer to “I need help revising. And any other sugggestions you may have to improve this paragraph?”

  1. d'oeuvre says:

    It is excellent.Only one correction that I can see: you have …….until he has returned home, is how big of a role that the Gods played in his survival. …….Would sound better:…..until he has returned home, is how big a role the Gods played in his survival. And at the end you have missed out “he” after back, is HE able to attain true happiness.Other than that I think it is great