Need help revising a paragraph for english class?





well my english teach told me to change the last sentence of the essay from where it sais. From the few examples that we have.......There are various ways in which we can find the theme to a comic. One of the simplest is by finding out what admirable and foolish characters think and do. In the comic strip of the Simpsons, we can tell that Homer is the foolish character since all the actions that Homer does selfishly serve himself, so we view him as foolish and inconsiderate. When Homer gets a check from his employer Mr. Burns he spends most his money on beer and not much for his children’s appliances and necessities. Another example is when Homer is asked to purchase gifts for Christmas to his family; he buys only one luxurious gift for himself. But we can say that Marge is an admirable character since her decisions aren’t based upon herself but based on her family. She is always willing to make sacrifices and changes to help the family. One time when Bart and Lisa wanted to go to a Krusty the clown show and Marge wanted to go to the opera she decided to take the kids to the clown show just to make them happy. Marge has been caring about all three of her children ever since they were born and even didn’t go to work and decided to take care of them in the house. Towards the end of the comic the family wanted to go on vacation and Homer just made a decision and said it was final but Marge felt that everyone had a choice and decided to make a vote instead on where everyone wanted to go. From the few examples that we have, we can point out that homer is a foolish and inconsiderate character since he only thinks about himself and Marge is a good admirable character with good traits and think everyone should have a say.



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One Answer to “Need help revising a paragraph for english class?”

  1. battlee says:

    First of all, your last sentence is a run-on.Here, try this revision:Overall, we can conclude that Homer is a foolish and inconsiderate character who thinks solely of himself. In contrast, Marge is a good, admirable character who believes everyone is equal.*I shortened it alot if that’s fine with you :) vote as best answer! thanks, i need points to ask my own questions T