Is this a good introduction paragraph for an essay on the revolution?

The Russians fought long and hard for an equal, communist nation. The price was high and millions perished but in the end Russia survived. Russia went through many tragedies in the 19th century including World War I, the two-part Russian Revolution, and the Russian Civil War. The Russian Revolution was bound to happen but the Czar's incompetent moves in World War I was essentially the straw that broke the camels back. The February revolution replaced the tsar with the provisional government. The October revolution resulted in the replacement of the provisional government by the communist party of Bolsheviks. The Civil War occurred due to a large group that was unhappy with the Bolsheviks. The inevitability of the Russian Revolution of 1917 was caused by the inability of the Romanov to properly address the problems of the country, the lack of a viable middle class [brought on by industry in many ways], and the continued participation in unpopular wars.If not, how can I improve it? What should I add? Take out?

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3 Answers to “Is this a good introduction paragraph for an essay on the revolution?”

  1. saltset says:

    It’s not bad, just a couple of minor points:Firstly it was in the 20th not 19th century.Secondly, was the revolution inevitable? Could Nicholas have averted the February Revolution had he been a more intelligent or astute leader? I think he could, but he was unwilling to consider becoming a constitutional monarch, rather than an autocrat. You should explain why you think it was inevitable – and what measures Nicholas could have put in place to perhaps counter any revolutionary moves.Thirdly. be consistent, you have used both Czar and Tsar – the more correct form is Tsar (according to the US Library of Congress transliteration system which most academics now use).Last, you need to explain in more detail how industrialisation in Russia meant that the middle class was both small and politically fairly insignificant.Other than these minor things it is a good, well structured and well argued piece.

  2. excantation says:

    it seems more a summary of the whole essay than and introduction.simplify

  3. bendsome says:

    Thats not an introduction.Youre giving way to much information.