Good thesis sentence for persuasive essay?

i am writing to say that children should be rewarded if they get good grades, etc"All public schools should reward children for academic acheivments" i added all public schools bc my teacher said i should be more specific.what should my body paragraphs be on? so far i have paying students will encourage them to work harderit will open a window of oppertunity for themschool statistics go upbut my teacher says i should bring up cost as in who will pay for the moey in my essay. how do i do that?

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One Answer to “Good thesis sentence for persuasive essay?”

  1. squadroning says:

    Hmmm… Good. The thing is, I don’t know that “public schools” are necessarily the ones who will pay the rewards… public school funding comes from the government. So maybe you could say that the government should pay the children. You could even take a paragraph to compare the American school system to that of, say, Japan or China, and argue that this would be a longstanding investment by America into motivating its youth and sparking our dull school system. If you’re going to write a whole paragraph on “school statistics go up”, I would google instances where schools are actually using this system (a few are already) and have seen improvements. That paragraph would not be good if you don’t have a little bit of research. Maybe you could mention that parents would also, knowing their kids are earning cash, push their kids to excel, especially some poorer inner city kids, etc. (perhaps that would go under “window of opportunity”) . Be careful not to get vague in your first body paragraph… You’ll need to think about what you can say there. Also, your thesis kind of feels like it’s missing something, maybe you should add “because it will encourage strong work ethic, open up new opportunities, and benefit the American school system as a whole.” or something like that. Good luck :)