Please read my essay and comment on my weakness and mistakes.?

It is a TOEFL essay and if you are a native English speaker or good at English, your comments would be great help.Assignment: Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for a small company. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. I would prefer to work for a big company because by working for a large company, I would be able to make many friends who work in different fields, would earn good salary, and could progress in a short time. To be successful in a business world, I need to have many friends from various fields of work. Most of the businessmen who reached great achievement have one common quality that is they have wide range of business coworkers. By working in a big company I would find many businessmen with whom I could deal. If I worked for a small company, I would not be able to have many friends. Thus, I couldn’t extend my business and would not have friends who would help me. Although it seems that earnings of small company would be shared few people and salary of the small company would be high, most small companies couldn’t afford high amount of salary to their workers. Big companies have large amount of salary budget. Therefore, workers of big companies would be able to earn good salary. My brother used to work for regional small company but he could not able to meet even his basic life needs. Thus, he has started to work for large company. After working for large company, he could be able to satisfy his daily needs and give money to my parents. When people work for large company, they have a chance of getting high position in a company. If they work very well, principle of a company would discern and place him or her on higher position. In a small company, there are few people and few work positions. Even if workers do very well, they would not have a chance to progress because in the higher positions there would not be job spaces to proceed. There are only principle and executive manager, no other position.In conclusion, if I get the opportunity to choose a company to work for, I will surely choose a big company. In a large company, I would have more friends from different kinds of professions, would be able to earn more money, and could reach high position.

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4 Answers to “Please read my essay and comment on my weakness and mistakes.?”

  1. polyphloisboism says:

    Here is some sample. Use it! eing a public officer is a type of job that requires a lot of attention, devotion and responsibility. Not every person can deal with all the pressure and take credit for his or her actions. Every undertaking held by a public worker is risky and can bring many unexpected consequences. But the worst of them would be the disapproval of people in case of a failure. They set their hopes on you and trust that you will do your best to help them with their problems. And naturally no one wants to let them down. Thus if you want to be a candidate for public office you have to possess strong leadership qualities, be a good team member, have the ability to work under stressful conditions and balance between your own ambitions and what would be better for other people. Only this way you can get the best results and gain respect.

  2. unraptured says:

    It doesn’t have to be perfect, so I haven’t tried to fix everything. It’s quite good. Your principal fault is often failing to use the article before “big/small company”. You MUST say “a” or “the”.Principle is not the same as principal, but in any case we would say director, or boss. Principals are usually the head of a school. Your brother WAS not able to meet his basic needs … SINCE STARTING TO WORK for a large company he HAS BEEN ABLE to …

  3. aponic says:

    Hi your essay was good overall but your first and last paragraphs were too short idk what grade your in but paragraghs have to be 5-7 sentences.Oh and in an essay dont talk about your life give examples that can apply to anyone whos reading the essay.By the looks of your essay youll get a good grade.:D

  4. tinselly says:

    You’re seriously asking Yahoo answers for proofreading and help? Think of the trolls, think of the D-minuses..,