Can someone please look over and grade my sat practice essay? btw, it’s my first actual timed written essay?

Assignment:Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.The world has changed significantly over the decades. In the 1800s to 1900s, women especially could not freely express themselves. Their lives were tightly secured within themselves, living private traditional lives in the house. Now, this past has been erased and replaced with a new reality. With society's standards evolving and new technologies developing, people have become more open as opposed to the past. Now, people, including women, are able to honestly express themselves. Although it is great for people to be open and honest, there are times when people should really make more of an effort to keep some things private to themselves. One of today's most commonly used technology is the internet. The internet is known for facebook as a popular social networking website in which people from all around the world are able to post status updates about whatever's on their mind and express themselves. Despite its advantage of allowing people to say what they want through the internet, sometimes it can be too much. On facebook, every facebook user has a profile in which they put up certain basic information such as their name, age, birthday, place of birth and favorite movies. There are some people I know who don't have facebook because they think it can be too revealing. On the other hand, many people who have facebook sometimes tend to write a lot about themselves. Since the internet has become more easy to access, it has become easier to search for a friend or colleague. Since there are bad people out there in the world such as hackers, people should really try to conceal some of the superfluous information that they have written on their profiles. It is really easy for a stranger to approach someone's profile and stalk them. Thus, in order to protect from any internet hackers or people who have some intention in harming people, people should try to keep certain information concealed and private to themselves. Not only should people try to keep some things or information private for their safety, people should also do so because it can be overwhelming and annoying for others to know. On facebook, there's a newsfeed of the most recent statuses and basically everything that is currently going on with peoples' friends. People who post a overwhelmingly abundant of statuses will annoy people who are actually reading their newsfeeds. Based on my personal experience, one of my friends would always be on facebook, whether it's on their computer or phone. They would post statuses very often. It is indeed nice to know how their life is and what's going on with them, but sometimes it is just too much to know. There are times when I think my friend should just try to keep some things private. Although, it can be hard to keep things private, people should try to do so.-- btw, since it's only 25 minutes to write the essay, it was hard for me to come up with a lot of examples to use so i only came up with one-facebook. is it okay to just use one example but be thorough with it throughout the essay?

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One Answer to “Can someone please look over and grade my sat practice essay? btw, it’s my first actual timed written essay?”

  1. whiffenpoof says:

    I would give this a 3-4 You have some nice info, but it’s just info and some of it is a bit unnecessary. Such as “On facebook, every facebook user has a profile in which they put up certain basic information such as their name, age, birthday, place of birth and favorite movies. ” This really doesn’t support why facebook is too public. Instead you should focus on analysis. Like, in the case of the stalker on facebook, you should conclude that by being so public about themselves they in fact endanger their lives by providing this information for the entire world to see. I would’ve talked about how with facebook, anything you post will never go away and often as immature teenagers, people post things that can haunt them for the rest of their life etc… You never indicate what thing they should keep private, information is too vague. Statuses and everything that’s going on isn’t really the important reason for not being too public.There are some people I know who don’t have facebook because they think it can be too revealing. — Why do they think it’s too revealing?There are times when I think my friend should just try to keep some things private.What?You have a lot of unsupported statements like these.It’s clear what you’re trying to say, but you need to be more specific and on topic. Focus on the issue of facebook, not on what facebook does. Provide a specific example, don’t just say someone can stalk you. Each statement that you make needs to have supporting evidence. Your thesis clearly answers the prompt, but I never got what exactly you believed should be kept private.Don’t worry though, just keep on practicing and you’ll be fine. This is a great start, and yes one example is fine as long as it’s a strong argument.Good luck