Can somebody correct this essay in English?





This is my first time writing an essay for scholarship, I know I have a lot of mistakes. Could you please revise it and I'm not sure that should I write name of the country of my origin or not? Moreover, what else should I add and what should be the title? Everyone on this earth is searching for happiness. We are usually taught to have perfect lives, not happy ones. Because of this most people have no idea of how to go about being happy or what happiness truly is so to try and grasp it, we try to define it. In defining it, we give it parameters. Our parameters may be the perfectly defined spouse, home, car, kids, job or it may be being single, renting no kids or responsibilities. Then again it differs from person to person and from society to society. As long as my opinion about happiness is concerned I always thought that education is the key for happiness. Since I came from a place where there are less opportunity or maybe at time no opportunity for girls to study. While I believe that there is nothing wrong with being a girl or a woman since I am proud of my race, the realities of life led me to acknowledge cruelties within the society where I belong. I know the value of education more than the one who has opportunity but not interest. College is something I have looked forward to most all my life. I want to be a doctor and it has been my dream since my childhood, still is. There is so much yet for me to learn as a young adult and I am hungry for that knowledge. The career that I envision for my future requires a great deal of higher education. I know it is not easy but I believe that you can achieve anything through hard work, and passion.I am responsible, focused, hard working and easy to get along with. And I maintained my 4.00 grade point average in college. I am determined to get my bachelor degree in science and then go for medical school. This scholarship will be the greatest opportunity for me to make my dream come true.



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One Answer to “Can somebody correct this essay in English?”

  1. outcatch says:

    I think including your country of origin would be good :D Also, I think you should talk more about:the cruelties in your countryhow that has affected you and how you see things in your life todayhow that has affected your hunger for educationyour family and how they affected you positively/negatively?Good job on your essay! I tried to keep it as close to your original idea as possible (