Is this too long of an intro paragraph?





also could you give your opinion on it. its an introduction to a descriptive essay i am writing but im afraid its too long. For the majority of people, rafting for the first time is quite an exhilarating experience. For me, unfortunately, this was not the case. That first time, everything started out great. The sky was bright blue, and sunny, making it the perfect day to go rafting. The process of getting prepared went extremely well, and quick, which was a major plus. My first experience of rafting was looking good, until things took a turn for the worst. Carrying the raft, and supplies down to the river proved to be incredibly tiring, hot, and difficult. Since carrying the raft, and supplies took so much time, and effort, me and my friends Michael and Rhett, decided to take a shortcut to make things a little easier. Ironically, us trying to make things less difficult, actually made things more difficult. The shortcut we took led us to a horrible location to load the raft into the water. There were sharp, and pointy rocks located right all around with tree branches trying to pop the raft at the same time. We decided to load the raft in the water anyway. Being the last person to enter the raft, I pushed off the shore to get into the deep water. Immediately I heard a loud bubbling sound coming from the back of the raft. We all instantly knew what it was, especially when water started entering the raft. It was a giant hole on the raft ripped from those sharp and pointy rocks. We paddled about 100 feet when we pulled over to the sandbar where we were supposed to load the raft in the water. This made us all feel sick in the pit of our stomachs because our whole rafting experience could have been a blast, compared to it being a total flop.



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2 Answers to “Is this too long of an intro paragraph?”

  1. pascalo says:

    I skimmed through this and i see a few lines that should belong in the BODY.

  2. rebbulb says:

    For the majority of people, rafting for the first time is quite an exhilarating experience. For me, unfortunately, this was not the case.NEW PARAGRAPH: That first time….