Instead of bashing my essay... can people give me examples of what to change and how to go about it instead of just saying "oh this sucks dick" thanks.As I sat here, patiently debating an idea for this essay, I couldn’t help but notice the tree in the corner of the room. Its not a big tree, it’s small and flimsy. If I tried to break it, I could. It could have the opportunity to grow larger if it was planted in the earth and not such a small, confining pot. Instead, it stays, easily knocked down and inescapably small.This tree reminds me of myself two years ago. I was in that pot. Life, accompanied by my own insecurities, had trapped me there. I told myself I was intellectually deficient because I couldn’t mold myself to fit in the "box" that peers wanted me in. I thought success was unrealistic. I had been taught to think critically, to be independent, but without being taught the basics of the traditional subjects. Then I entered an environment that required me to know them, high school. Not only was I in the pot, but the supporting branches of my small tree were broken. Hope was an emotion dropped from my vocabulary with the demise of my family, caused by the attempted strangulation of my mother by my alcoholic father. This came my sophomore year, the same time I start to realize my academic ability. I thought life was a one way ticket to hell, with zero chance of redemption. Now, I am not like that tree. I have been planted in the earth; I have grown. I realized I couldn’t let the past affect my future. This epiphany was concluded when I watched the hardships of Isaiah, an impoverished, homeless, African-American teen who has lived with my family and I since my sophomore year. Isaiah doesn’t have a stable family life, much more unstable than my own. Yet he has not let the problems in his life effect his goals and sense of self. He does well in school and he’s happy. The disadvantages he has faced in his life, be it educational, social class or family support related, have not held him back. He has helped me grow out of pessimism and grow into optimism. He has helped me realize I could grow my own branches and reach heights I didn’t think possible. My unique experiences, trials and tribulations, have made me strong. My academic confidence and thirst for answers have given me the motivation to strive for excellence. My relationships and interaction with those different from me has made me wise. I am no longer that flimsy tree in the corner of the room, but an oak; strong, wise and striving to reach to sun.NOTE: this has not been grammar corrected in the least.

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  1. outjut says:

    what i personally noticed (not sure if good remarks but my personal opinion)-i think you should specify they part where you say “i had been taught….then i entered an environment ..” ..like maybe you could say “growing up, or as a child, i had been taught”- “the same time I [was enlightened by the surmise of] my academic ability -The revelation came that I couldnt let the past…BTW love the ending…this essay could use better editing than mine, because I’m not the best editor…but so far i think it’s a great foundationbest of luck! set your mind to things, and you will reach them…but it really is about setting your mind to it…and i myself need to listen to this advice…i would love to gain the confidence to apply for harvard myself…keep this up